


Used to It

by ChasingTheOcean



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, hints towards suicide, it's only a mention of Hanzo :P, sad stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 16:46:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7446454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasingTheOcean/pseuds/ChasingTheOcean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's a ball of darkness, contrasting greatly with the balls of happiness. Is this what he wants... Happiness?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Used to It

    He had gotten used to it. The silence, the darkness… After all, that’s all he was, right? Nothing but a ball of dark that would and never could see the light, no matter how hard he tried. So why did he come back to Overwatch? He left it for a reason, so there shouldn’t be a reason to go back, is there?  
He roamed the giant grass plain that was once the Overwatch Headquarters. The debris had been taken care of, and now nature came to take its land back. The dark coat he wore drastically contrasted with the bright green, but he had gotten used to it. The sun that shined through the clouds brightened the grass around him, but not on him. There were reasons for that too, right? Coincidence, he thought. Or maybe it was just that, he was part of the darkness now. He couldn’t escape no matter how hard he tried. It was always there, and his pitiful form of a human was there to remind him of it. The green of the grass began to hurt his eyes, so much that his mouth frowned, the mask he wore covering it. He didn’t know what he felt like doing. Should he cry, or be angry? Should he shout to the clouds for his wrong doings or make his own pool of tears? He didn’t know, but he had gotten used to the feeling.  
The dark halls of the buildings in Gibraltar gave him a welcoming feeling, although behind him he felt something following him, something watching his every move. But when he turned to see who, no one was there. He had gotten used to it though, so much so that he didn’t bother to look around anymore, or get a feeling of insecurity. The darkness was his friend, and a friend he welcomed.  
It was about two in the morning when Gabriel roamed the halls once more for the fourth time that morning. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t sleep. His brain muddled underneath questions and concerns about Overwatch, the members, the past…  
Himself. What had he become? He didn’t know himself, even when Mercy asked him what happened to him, all he could say was, “You tell me, Doc”. But by doing so, he only made it seem as though whatever happened to him was more serious, even though he didn’t mean for it to come out that way.  
He sighed, his breath recoiling upon the mask he wore. He had been wandering for about an hour, and still he hadn’t been able to cover each area in the damn buildings. If you asked him, he’d say there were too many rooms to keep up with. He gave up on trying to reach every room, and decided to head up the stairs from Winston’s laboratory and out onto the balcony, swinging his legs over the side as his elbows rested upon his knees. The moon gave a faint blue hint onto everything around Gabriel, but not him. A cloud was perfectly aligned to the point where Gabriel was covered in darkness, and it didn’t seem like it was going to move any time soon. He looked up at the cloud, cursing it as small murmurs escaped his mouth.  
What was he doing here? Why did he come back? What was the point?  
The questions that wandered Gabriel’s mind began to hurt his head, each question stabbing his brain for answers. He couldn’t come up with any, but he was used to it. It didn’t matter as much as it did before…  
Before he could think of anything else, he could hear the door behind him slightly open, followed by small patters of footsteps. He didn’t look to his side where the person sat, but could feel the happiness from them and could only guess that it was none other than Lena.  
“What are you doin’ out here by yourself, Love?” Lena asked, the cloud that sat upon the moon moving the slightest so Lena was now hinted with blue. Not that she wasn’t already, her chronal accelerator glowing turquoise. “I could hear you roamin’ the halls. I figured you might’ve stopped, but I guess I was wrong…” Lena continued as Gabriel sat in silence.  
“Go back to bed, kid. Don’t you have training to do in a couple of hours?” Gabriel asked as Lena gave a quiet chuckle.  
“So do you. You’ll need the sleep yourself, Love.” Lena responded, a smile upon her face. Gabriel still didn’t look at Lena, only at the cloud that didn’t move. Lena looked up to the sky, not entirely knowing where Gabriel was looking, but did so anyway. Silence stood between the two individuals, only the sounds of crickets could be heard as the sounds soothed each person. Gabriel looked away from the sky and to the floor, noticing how high they were. It wasn’t high enough to achieve what he wanted, but it could if he were at a certain angle. Maybe he should, right then and there. No, Lena shouldn’t see it. She doesn’t deserve to see it. As far as Gabriel was concerned, she was a ball of happiness, and that shouldn’t be ruined by his darkness.  
“Lena…” Gabriel began as Lena drew her attention away from the sky and to Gabriel himself, who turned to look at her. “Get some rest kid. I better see you in training bright and early this morning.” he continued as Lena laughed and smiled.  
“Y’betcha, Love!” Lena exclaimed as she gave a bright smile. Gabriel’s eyes showed sadness and darkness, although Lena couldn’t see it.  
Before Lena left, she got up on her knees and wrapped her arms around Gabriel, her smile still bright upon her lips. Gabriel sat there, not knowing what to do but to return the hug. He expected the cloud to move, but it didn’t. Now Lena was covered in darkness, even though her accelerator still gave off a blue. Shortly after, she let go of the hug and waved as she left the spot. Gabriel turned back and looked back up at the clouds, then down to the floor, then back up to the sky again.  
He let out a heavy breath as he hiccuped, his eyes watering as he lowered his head into his hands. The tears that fell down his cheeks fell below and out of the mask, leaving tear spots on the soft clothing upon his legs. His mouth wide open, he let out a sob, the rest of Gibraltar was silent and asleep, but not Gabriel.  
He continued to cry, the cloud that covered the moon moving to shine its light on Gabriel. His emotions tangled with one another as he let the small streams of water flow down his face. His memory filled with Lena’s smile, and the hug she gave him. How bright her smile was when he made a pitiful joke, how everyone else there smiled in some way. Now that he thought about it, he saw everyone smile at least once, including the damn archer that’s always honoring someone. Everyone smiled, except for him. All he could do was frown, get angry and cry. He had forgotten what happiness was, what it felt like to experience it on his own fingertips. It was gone, and all that was left was the darkness that consumed his body, thoughts and actions. In that moment as runny mucus fled his nose, as his eyes became red from the tears, as his heart hurt as it panged against his chest, he longed for the feeling of happiness again. So many times it had been on his fingertips, but it was gone before he could grab it. How he wanted to smile from pure joy, and not give another damn fake one that was obviously not genuine. He wanted his heart to beat from delight and cheerfulness, but all there was was hatred and hostility. He didn’t want to have to feel anymore pain, anymore sorrow for what has happened. All he wanted was peace, happiness, but he was sure that it wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.  
But by far, he didn’t want anyone else to feel pain or sorrow, for he wanted to see them smile with happiness and not from psychotic nature. No one should have to feel the pain that he has to feel, it didn’t seem right.  
Gabriel cleared his eyes for the hundredth time, but he still couldn’t get the tears to stop. Never before had he cried so much in his life, not even when he was a child. He wasn’t used to this. Not one bit.

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno, I was listening to some sad piano music and this stuff came up.  
> Thanks for reading, though!~


End file.
